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Mission Statement:

We are committed to assisting those involved in domestic violence to acquire the information and survival skills they need to take control of their own lives and the decisions affecting them. And to the opposition of violence and support of equality in relationships and the concept of helping people assume control over their own lives.

We are not here to teach...or to preach...we are here to

share...to simply care...to say we have been there.



The following poems and lyrics, along with others will be published in a collection, the proceeds of which will be used to provide the collection free to shelters and other organizations. We realize that these works are very hard to read, but they tell a story that needs to be heard. If you find it too difficult, please stop back and read more later. Also note, some of the writings may contain language which may be inappropriate for younger readers. Thank you.
-Sher


We're proud of our Awards, please click on a thumbnail to see the full size award.
Haley Ann's Angel of Mercy Award Contributor to the Online Dictionary of Mental Health The Official Seal Of The Phenomenal Women Of The Web - Against Domestic Violence
Pick of the Day
Creative Writing Award
 Pick of the Year Award






Angel
(Lin's Song)

Chorus
I’m talking to an angel. She helps to guide my way.
She’s been there all my life, she’s never gone away.
She gives me what I need to make it through the day.
The strength to say to others, "There is another way."

When I was only seven and Lin was nine years old,
My life was changed forever. The story must be told.
Daddy had been drinking, was looking for a fight.
We knew that this was going to be a violent night.
Our home was not a place of love and tender care.
Violence and fear were all that we had there.
The one light of my life, my sister’s smiling face,
On that night would be taken to a better place.

Repeat Chorus

The yelling soon had started, we tried hard to ignore.
We didn’t want to have to deal with it no more.
And then my life exploded, a gunshot split the air,
And all that I could see was Linda lying there.
She looked into my eyes as if to say good-bye
I’ll never understand just why she had to die.
An accident they said. No one was made to pay.
That’s when I decided I had to get away.

Repeat Chorus

I’ve lived my life for love, and taught my kids the same.
Showed them a different path than the one from which I came.
No one should live in violence, no one should be abused.
Families should be loved, not hated, hurt and used.
If your life’s filled with hurt, listen to what I say.
I’ve been there and I know, there is another way.
You really can be free and be treated with respect.
Your heart will find a way if that’s what you expect.

Repeat Chorus

-Sher
-December 1, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


Poem For Linda
(1957 - 1966)

I remember every detail
and every look on every face
all the smells and all the sounds
the saddest feel of our embrace

You were playing, as was I
in our young and innocent way
when the hate of "loving" parents
took your sweetest soul away

Holding you to me so close
watching life just slowly fade
the look of hurt upon your face
the crimson life from you cascade

All the years that happened after
all the tears I hold inside
will not wash you from my heart
nor can it take you from my side

For every picture that was taken
faking smiles upon your grave
for your heart I longed a teather
from this hate in me I saved

For the deeds that go unpunished
by the living ones who did
to your soul this great injustice
and in cowardice from it hid

Will not mute this deepest love
will not from my life erase
your sweetest smile my dearest sister
until again I see your face

For soon this life will be complete
as incomplete my life has been
and I will hold you to my heart
and ask that God forgive the sin

Of ones who would forget your time
upon this earth so briefly spent
and in your sweet untimely passing
refuse the time for your lament

So dearest Linda remember me
the one who washed your blood away
the one who loves you sister, truest,
will soon to you be on my way

Then we will hug and laugh again
and soon forget this long apart
and we will play the wind together
and you will warm my lonely heart


By: Charlie Young
All rights forever assigned to
Kathy Taylor Spivey
her heirs and
descendants.


The Monster

She sits alone at the bar,
Staring at the bubbles in her beer.
Like her hopes and dreams,
Rising expectantly,
Only to be burst
When they reach the surface,
And reality.
~
She hears the jukebox,
The clink of glasses,
And the laugh of The Monster,
Close, her heart is in her throat.
But he’s off,
Talking, joking,
Friend to all
But one.
~
She prays,
"Please Lord, not this time!"
But the dread grows
As the poison whiskey flows
One more time into the glass.
~
She looks at the bottles,
Pretty colors and shapes,
All in a row.
A glimpse of beauty
In a life of Hell!
A smile touches her lips,
Hesitantly, a stranger to her,
She relents, it grows.
~
It catches her by surprise
An elbow to the face.
"Did I hit you? I’m sorry"
The Monster says loudly,
Then feigning concern,
Leans over and whispers,
"I saw you
Checking him out
In the mirror."
~
She utters a small protest
Knowing it’ll only make it worse.
She wants to escape
But doesn’t know how.
"I’ll kill you if you leave"
She begins to wonder
If she’d rather be dead.
She already lives in Hell.
~
She sits alone at the bar.
Staring at the bubbles in her beer.
Watching her hopes and dreams
Rising expectantly,
Only to be burst
When they reach the surface,
And reality.

-Sher
-January 7, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


It Hurts

You tell me that you love me, it won’t happen again.
I feel so all alone. I wish I had a friend.

I try so hard to love you. I don’t know why it seems
All you can do is hurt me and tear down all my dreams.

You tell me that you love me and that you need me so.
But the only way to help you, I think’s for me to go.

I no longer can live with all the hurt and pain.
You tell me that it will stop, but it always happens again.

You’ve made so many promises and each in turn you break.
I promised I would stay, but how much can I take?

I’ve asked so many time, just try to make it right.
But you don’t seem to care, it turns into a fight.

I think it’s time for me to pack my broken heart,
To try to find myself and make a brand new start.

I know it won’t be easy to start my life anew.
But I have no other choice, it’s what I have to do.

-Sher
-April 28, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


Freedom

The years of hurt, abuse and pain are finally in the past.
The terrible nightmare that was my life is over now at last.

The leaving was the hardest part, it’s scary on your own.
But I’m slowly overcoming my fear of the unknown.

The freedom is exhilarating, living without fears.
Just one day of this can make up for all those years.

I tried so hard to understand. I prayed that you would change.
And finally found out it was MY LIFE I had to rearrange.

I no longer will accept violence and abuse.
That part of me’s the past, for it I have no use.

I found I could not change you and that really made me sad.
But I had to change myself to keep from going mad.

My new life and my new friends have taught me many things
But the most important thing is the feeling freedom brings.

The freedom to have friends, both male and female, too.
To gaze at my reflection and not see black and blue.

To say just how I feel without risking injury.
Is a feeling no one ever could have described to me.

To be treated like a person, with opinions of my own.
It’s a feeling that it seems, I’ve never really known.

But now my life is different, so wonderful it seems.
This feeling of such freedom was beyond my wildest dreams.

-Sher
-May 9, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


WHY?

I don’t mean to be bad, really I don’t.
Just want to make him happy,
Can’t seem to figure out how.
All I do is wrong, or bad.
Why does being a kid have to hurt so bad?

Why does he have to hit me?
What do I tell my teacher this time?
I wrecked my bike,
That one always seems to satisfy everyone.

Hate living a lie, but he’s my Dad.
Don’t want him to get in trouble.
I know that he doesn’t mean to do it.
Just loses his temper.
It’s my fault, I’m the one who’s wrong.

Why can’t I be good enough?
Why can’t I ever please him?
Why does he always call me stupid,
Tell me I’m always wrong?
Why does he have to hit me?
Why am I even here, just to make others unhappy?
Why does growing up have to hurt so much?

-Sher
-February 8, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


For Michelle

Mom and Sis had gone away, a shopping trip to town.
I had to do my homework, so I said I’d stick around.

He came into my bedroom, he didn’t even knock.
He said, "It’s time that you and I had a little talk."

He smiled at me and said, "Oh, you’re such a little tease.
You run around, barely dressed, I’ll get between your knees.

You run around the house, just a T-shirt and your drawers.
I can see right through you, like all the other whores.

You want me and you know it, don’t try to say you don’t.
Your Mom will never know, if you don’t tell, I won’t."

I tried to run, to get away, but he’s so big and strong.
He grabbed me, pulled me to him, said, "This won’t take very long."

He started taking off my clothes, I begged, "Don’t do this, please."
He threw me on the bed and pushed his way between my knees.

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth and soon he was all done.
He laughed and said, "See, Darling, now wasn’t that great fun?"

Now I feel so awful, so dirty and diseased.
I look at him disgusted, he’s with himself so pleased.

How could my Mom have ever married such a man?
I finally call my boyfriend, I know he’ll understand.

Now Mom doesn’t believe me, she doesn’t even try.
How could she believe him and think that I would lie.

I can only hope he goes to jail, and someday he will see
How it feels when they do to him just what he did to me.

-Sher
-January 13, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


Transparent Blood

I sit so quietly in my chair,
and listen to the hurtful noises,
each one so deep into my heart
and soul, to tear the flesh from bone.

You can't disguise the meaning of,
the harsh emissions from your spirit,
so vile and seething with intention,
upon my mind to fall as rock.

To crush my softest loving you,
and wonder deep within my life,
how a person could do this thing,
this sin against my lonely being.

For every door you slam so sharp,
or clanging loudly pots and pans,
the sharp, malicious, arrows fly,
into my heart to render pain.

And in the doing tell yourself,
that you are not the hateful killer,
the stalker of an innocent life,
in waiting for your homicide.

For hate administered in disguise,
may leave no bruises on the skin,
or evidence for the eyes of others,
that would reveal the deathly hurt.

You could as well with sharpest knife,
inflict upon my body, hate,
no worse the feeling of your loathing,
to cause my death within prolonged.

Then go to God that fateful day,
with innocent looks upon your face,
in clothes that drip transparent blood,
and look upon your sad disgrace.

By: Charlie Young
Copyright by Butterfly Cramps 1997


When Did I Choose?

I don't remember the time or where,
I was required to choose, whether they
would treat me with loving care,
or whether my life was a throw away.

Since I could remember thought and hurt,
I have paid to society my small dues,
of pain and humiliation, treated like dirt,
wanting to ask them, when did I choose?

With them I thought hurt was really love,
that natural skin was black and blue,
that children were loved by God above,
(you're not bruised, He must not love you).

Did I miss the selection on some menu,
that had love and fulfillment as one,
and two was hate, pain and total abuse,
or every humiliation under the sun?

Can I go back and start over again,
to have a choice in how I will be valued,
to have the ability to choose love in
place of hate? To be protected not used?

This time I will not be the one to cry,
and they will not be my life-long friend,
to see my pain and stand so idly by,
while I wonder when the hurting will end.

They are supposed to protect me and care,
help me to win and not always lose.
So why is it not that way, and if you dare,
answer my question, when did I choose?

By: Charlie Young
Copyright Butterfly Cramps 1997


Hold My Hand

I know your hurt is so complete,
that one who said, "I love you",
would do these terrible things,
and not care.

The pain you suffer is so real,
in how it kills the heart and soul,
you think that nobody really cares,
about your life.

But hold my hand and listen now,
to these gentle words of hope,
there are those who call your name,
and feel the pain.

Every day in countless lives,
the evil ones that hurt so many,
inflict their poison insecure,
upon the simple hearts.

And those like you who are the ones,
who see the hate and feel the hurt,
find soft relief and safest place,
to simply get away.

Thus we are here to help begin,
your healing, nind and battered soul,
just walk away and come with me,
into the loving light.

And in my large and strongest hand,
walk softly from your aching heart,
and follow me in purest care,
to safety, hope, and love.

By: Charlie Young
Copyright by Butterfly Cramps 1997


Loves' Kiss

cruelly the swing
comes from the fist
showered in pummels
percieved as loves kiss
head bowed in shame
though tried to be strong
takes what is dealt out
for far too long
secretly it was well hidden
the end shall soon come
beaten and bedridden
now loading the gun
cocks the hammer
salvation in mouth
it shall be over
now there is no doubt
end all the suffering
all of this pain
finger on trigger
thoughts flood like rain
hears the thundering
of loves hard footsteps
hand tightens on pistol
and in one glorious breath
Turns the gun on love
my life from your death.


Shell

8/22/94©Silent Waves Publications


mask

how many times
can they sew up your lips
the threads kissed
in and out
eyes sewn shut
to the pain
nobody wants to look
at the death mask you wear
including them, the ones
who dressed you
in it.

Shell
4:34 PM on 4/20/95© Silent Waves Publications


Deb's Song

gloss over mow under
memories like thunder
blasts and pain
and shame

broken, a token
doll left behind
a rhyme
and a name unspoken

terror, the bearer of life
brings death
unneeded
a breath unheeded
lost how?
cost too high
didn't dare to cry
out loud

decay
in the family way
hidden violence
unleashed brings
silence
a cry for closure
exposure
quiet tears choking
a name unspoken
a day ? a week?
a year?

please speak
we hear...

defend
the necessary end
the truth, obtuse
Abuse

© 1997 Ruth Solomon


An Eddy
.
Santa breezes promised me Christmas
a gift of ebb and blow, uninterrupted flow
to part the grass, the leaves of the trees
.
and untidied locks of hair swirled by invisible
eddys and reminded me that an eddy
is a man whose gyration I once knew
.
he blew my way full of airy dreams and lies
coming from the north bringing the illest
of winds, and a polished sun mirror smile
.
whose blow could knock down trees
but knocked over only me in the name
of jealous love and hypocrisy
.
me....being lost in the deserted heat of
passion and tongue swollen thirst of
loneliness sought only to cool my heels
.
and burning thighs with a long drink of him
I didn't heed the dark cloudiness which
rumbled in his voice and threatened in his
.
wake so when the first monsoon hit I leaned
against him a tree of chinese proverbs
withstanding gale force till I snapped
.
splintered into a thousand pieces of fear
and excuses for weather and love of storms
until the warning sirens sounded in ambulanced
.
reality and my pieces fell into the soft cotton cloth
of hospital gowns and broken bits of bone wired
together a labryinth of pain and suffering
.
At last the Santa breezes kept their promises
cooled and brought me a pacific Christmas
a holiday wrapped in a man's prison orange
.

© 1997 Ruth Solomon


Threads

Woven carefully
Through the fabric of Our lives

Frayed casually
Through the friction of Our lies

Folded neatly
Yet crumpled on a chair

Ironed Crisply
Yet torn without care

Threads-

Colorful fabric
Mostly worn brightly

Patched carefully
Mended almost nightly

Complicated patchwork
Worn so proudly

New seams showing
Clashing so loudly

Threads-

Ripping out stitches
Separating so fast

Newfound fabric
Promised to last

Newfound friction
Won't ever stop wearing

This threadbare fabric
My soul always bearing.

© 1997 Paul K. all rights reserved


Failed Searches

I've failed many times.
Looked high, looked low
Gotten high, sank even lower,
In my failed searches
For answers.

In this diversion called life,
You protected me,
You prepared me-
For a better journey.
than the one I was on.

Though sometimes,
I took You for granted,
Or failed to accept-
Your purpose for me;
You were always there.

The pains run deep
In this journey called life
Though I know not the path
To this current road,
You give me strength to carry on.

The pains are a reminder
Of what You endured for me
So that I can look past them
And be calmer knowing there's
A different path to follow.
Lead the way,
And this time I will follow

Please guide my soul along
This chosen path to my
Final destination- Your Home.

© 1997 Paul K. all rights reserved


For my sisters who have suffered in an abusive relationship
regardless of the kind. Verbal, emotional and physical, abuse is abuse
and the verbal/emotional scars don't heal as well as the physical can.

Love is not supposed to hurt

He says he's sorry as he helps you up from the floor.
He promises and swears that he'll do it no more.
Love is not supposed to hurt

Things are cool and calm for just a while
Until you burn the dinner, or dress outta style.

You cover the marks so deep on your face
Is there a way for you to get outta that place?
Love is not supposed to hurt

You question his love for you
You always seem so blue

He has a problem he doesn't want to admit
A hospital is where he needs to commit

Even though sometimes he doesn't hit
The words scar deeper as if into a pit
but remember, love is not supposed to hurt

I say these words to you to help you understand
The one who hurts you most, always seems to be your man

You can get over this, oh yes you are good and as the Bible says,
worth far more than pearls. Don't let him rob you of your happiness

You hold you head up high, my friend,
and always remember, it's you who will win in the end.

Nikki Coffee
Copyright 1997


Love is...

I opened the Bible today
and found a Scripture that says:
That love is not jealous:
So, if you love me, why do you not let me talk to others? Why do you
not let me have a life?

The Scripture I found is at 1 Corinthians, the 13th chapter...
It goes on to tell that love does not look for it's own interests...
So, why are you so selfish? Rarely do anything for me?

Love does not keep account of injury...
So why do you always bring up the past? Thow in my face my very own mistakes?

Love does not become provoked...
So why are you so angry at me all the time, constantly yelling at me. Really what have I done? You make me feel like I'm in a bind.

The 7th verse of that chapter says that "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things"...
But you constantly accuse me, have no tolerance for my imperfections and constantly criticize me, belittle me...

The 8th verse of that chapter concludes that LOVE never fails...but you have....so ,I guess there is no love here.

Nikki Coffee
Copyright 1997


YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME

You said you loved me and that I believed.
You said you'd cherish me and for that I was grateful.

So, what happened as time flew by?
What was beautiful has turned ugly, violent, and dry.

We've grow apart; far, far away.
You used to hold me, tell me I was fine.

Now you accuse, point and yell.
Seldom a kind word for me passes your lips.

I'm not perfect not by any stretch...
But what have I done that you act this way to me?

The pain runs deep, the pain runs still.
I want back what we used to have, the love, the laughter.

I longed for your touch, ached when we are apart.
Now I cringe when you are near and at the raise of your voice.

I have so much love to give and give it I must...
For love is nothing until you give it away...

You said you loved me...
You said you'd never leave....

You don't have to physically vacate to leave.
Can we start over?...Go back anew?

I am willing, the question is are YOU?

Nikki Coffee
Copyright 1997 All Rights Reserved


(Untitled) #1

So ought men to love their wives
As their own bodies
He that loveth his wife loveth himself...Eph.5.28
For this cause..a man..
Shall be joined unto his wife
And they two shall be one flesh...Eph.5.31

As God has said in words above
You'd taken me for honor and love
For that I left my parent's house
And joined with you in Holy vows

I was so happy as your young wife
To be with you for the rest of my life
The first few months were filled with bliss
And each day I hungered for your sweet kiss

One day, in March it all would end
And I knew even then I'd lost my friend
You said that work was hard that day
And were angry for words I tried to say

Your fists were flying in rapid blows
And bloody trails left on my clothes
I thought to hide and run away
But there I stood with feet of clay

I blamed myself, so when you said
I'm sorry, my darling, and kissed my head
I took your hand and let it be
When I should have fled and broken free

Your promise was broken, I lived in fear
I couldn't leave then, with children here
My body was in constant pain
My dignity gone, my spirit in shame

There was no choice when you hit our son
In desperation, I took the gun
Told you to stop...you wouldn't obey
I blacked out and there you lay

The trial was swift and I was free
My life in shambles, but at last could see
That friends like you and God above
Tried me to warn about the blows of love

Perhaps I was weak, perhaps a bit blind
But I should have listened to words so kind
That when the first blow strikes at your heart
You must not wait, but quick depart

(C) 1997 JayGee01


(Untitled) #2

I awoke this morning thinking
How far I was from where I started
On this journey with you

It's hard to believe
Looking in the mirror today
That my body, once young and straight
Was now bruised and bent
By the hands that once
So gently held mine

It's hard to believe
Looking in my own eyes today
That my soul, once so full of glory
Was now hard and hopeless
From the daily fear and threats
By the mind that once
So gently wrote me daily words of love

It's hard to believe
Looking in my own heart today
That my spirit, once so proud and free
Was now crushed and bound
From the ugly screams
By the mouth that once
So gently whispered my name

But the hardest thing of all to believe
Was that my silence was your willing partner
In bringing me
So far from where I started
On this journey with you

(C) JayGee01


Dear Mommy

I'm leaving home today
And I want you to know why

For a long time now I knew
That daddy was hitting you
Even though I pretended to be sleeping
Because I was afraid of the noise
I could hear daddy yelling and you crying
Every morning when you came to wake me
I could see the bruises
You lied to me but
I knew where they really came from

At first I thought that you must be
A bad wife or mommy
Because when I was bad I got punished too
I prayed that I would be a better than you
So my husband wouldn't hit me
Then I thought that all daddies hit mommies
To show them that they loved them
But my friends said that their parents kissed

When I got to be a big girl I understood
And I hated daddy for what he was doing
I felt sorry for you
But then I started hating you too
For letting him hit you
And I promised myself that I would never let
Anyone do that to me
Mommy, I'm afraid now that if I stay much longer
I will accept it and let it happen to me too

I love you mommy but I
Must leave
Even though I'm only twelve
I'll be ok so don't worry
Love
Your daughter Carol

P.S. Mommy, please leave too

(C) JayGee01


Behind Closed Doors

Behind closed doors you never know
The "private" lives that friends don't show
It happens in the best of places
And shows up first on children's faces

First, the look of their sad eyes
Then their voice complete with sighs
They don't talk much nor do they play
You ask them why, but they won't say

Their bear the weight of parents' sin
Of daily abuse and anger turned in
They have that look that says, Dont Touch
I've had enough, in fact too much

They fight with all to show their power
But while at home they sit and cower
To wait upon their nightly whip
Sometimes from hands, sometimes from lips

It matters not where comes the pain
From stinging slaps or words that shame
'Cause as they grow in size and age
Their minds still fill with thoughts of rage

And when they wed and parents are
They still bear wounds and have deep scars
That bind them in so many ways
To their past lives which they replay

And on and on the cycle goes
Unless it stops and we can show
That "private" lives in "private" places
Ruin future lives in future spaces

So be not silent, don't turn in fear
Reach for their hand, give them your ear
With gifts of love, touch their young heart
And the cycle of hate, you'll surely part

(C) JayGee01


(Untitled) #3

You know how much he loves you.
That's why he makes you bleed.
And those tears staining your evening gown,
Are just more smiles that you don't need.
It's power, then it's madness
But it's all straight from the heart.
It's why little girls love their daddy
And why little boys learn to play it smart.
A bruise or two, a dab'll do,
‘Cause they can't see it in your eyes.
Blind folds and fony smiles,
Mimes catching fire-flies.
Christmas gift pearls hit the hardwood floor,
Scatter, roll their separate ways.
Each trying to find their past,
Perhaps behind your happier days.
You know how much he loves you.
That's why he makes you cry.
On your knees, you apologize for nothing
From next to where your dreams now lie.

~John Jordan
Copyright 1997, Kayaman Publishing



A Child’s Cry

A child’s cry in the dark
is the worst thing to hear
But being that child in the dark
is the worst thing to be.

You cry for your mommy
but she is no where in sight
Then you cry for your daddy
but he too, is no where around.

Your sister comes to you
Telling you don’t cry
That mommy and daddy are fighting
that you don’t want them tonight.

Then over your cries you hear them
The yelling and screaming the names they use
You hear the sound of breaking glass
the sound of slaps, of bodies getting hurt.

and you begin to wonder if that is why you cry
you begin to see why you don’t want them tonight
Cause then they might take it out on you
They might say that it is all your fault.

That if they only had three, money wouldnt be so tight
That if they only had three, then they wouldnt fight.

so you sit in the corner of your bed
and wonder if they will ever stop
and wonder if they will ever say
I love you honey, and mean it.

© Lisa S. 1997
All rights reserved


Teach Me To Fly

WHY DID YOU CHANGE ME AND GIVE ME THESE WINGS!?!
WHEN IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME TO FLY RIGHT!
Oh, I have learned a takeoff of sorts.
Just find a good edge, open my wings, and jump.
I usually do not get too far.
I just love the feel of rocks hitting flesh.
I am even beginning to enjoy the sound it makes,
a very nice satisfying smack.
The rocks are here to catch me and we are becoming very good friends.

My timing is all off, I do things at the wrong times.
I do and say the wrong things or speak when I should be quiet.
I do not know how to coordinate my actions.
I am very unstable and unsure of myself.
And I certainly do not understand the ways around here.

I AM DAMN TIRED OF WALKING BACK UP THIS STUPID MOUNTAIN TOP.
I am scraped raw.
I am bruised black, red, and blue.
I am cut up from head to toe.
NOT A BANDAID IN SIGHT AND I AM ALL FUCKED UP!

My emotions are running wildly high from peak to peak.
The four winds have shredded all my dreams and hopes.
My heart and soul are numb from pain.

I do not like the openness of the sky, anymore.
Standing on the edge again,
I do not know what to do because insanity rules here.
WITHOUT YOU HERE, HOW IN THE NAME OF HELL, AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN!
GOD DAMN IT ALL, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!

By DrageonWay 05/14/97
©1997 DrageonWay


The Treasure

The heart holds a precious treasure.
Locked away, buried deeply.
Gaurded, lest the world decover what lies hidden there.

Only two know the secret, but only one holds the key.
Denying it's pleasures to the other, sadly, such beauty
means nothing when locked away.

Did the one but know what happiness lies waiting there,
only to turn the key.

In the light of day the treasure would reveal it's luster,
untarnished by time. Such wealth can only have worth
when shared.

(C) Carol
---- September 1996


The Road Home

Sometimes in life we lose our way and go down the wrong path.
The signposts are unclear, and without guidance and encouragement,
we may wander aimlessly. Sometimes making the wrong decisions,
getting more and more turned around, feeling hopelessly lost.

Finally, we come to the realization that all we need to do is retrace our
steps, and go back to our beginnings. Suddenly, the path begins to look
more familiar, and you find your way back to where you wanted to be
all along.

(C)Carol
February 1997


Childhood Nightmare

He sits in a corner cowering in fear.
With his head in his hands he sheds a tear.

The fear is overwhelming to this neglected boy.
In both mind and soul he feels no joy.

He wishes most dearly that the pain would cease
But this child knows of no such peace.

His body is battered and his heart is hard,
His life is in shambles and his soul is marred.

He knows of no one to call his friend
But is constantly praying it will eventually end.

He is a helpless prisoner of someone's hate
And life has been hell with the penalties great.

The pain and the suffering are to much to stand.
He let's out a whimper and moves a hand.

There's a haunted look in his gloomy eyes.
He tried to stand but cannot rise.

He falls to the floor with no will to live,
Then closes his eyes with nomore to give.

The life and spirit leave this battered host
As the heart and soul give up the ghost.

His parents will find him with a smile on his face
For he has found his peace in God's good grace.

By: WightKnyt

NOTE: This poem depicts my life as a child, other then the dying part…
I sometimes wished I would die… But I am so grateful today that I did not….


"The well traveled road"

Hello I say to you with a warm friendly smile.
We all here applaud you for this miracle mile.

You have covered great distances with strength untold.
I would tell you a story so let it unfold.

I know of a woman who's life was a mess.
She felt depressed and hopeless and couldn't care less.

She drank and she drugged to kill all the pain
But lower she sank with nothing to gain.

She got to the point where no more could she give.
She wanted out of it all with no strength to live.

So suicide she tried to escape her hell on earth
But her higher power saw in her a far greater worth.

He cradled his tortured child in his loving arms
And showed her a way to heal all the harms.

So out of her shame and the wounds to her soul
She started the climb to make herself whole.

The way to serenity was a long rocky road
And staying sober was a tremendous load.

But through her higher power and her will to succeed
She traveled that road to where it would lead.

Mistakes she would make and the temptations strong
But she found strength to overcome, making right of the wrong.

She does have great worth as her higher power knew
And as she's continued to heal she's shown that it's true.

Throughout her life she has touched many a heart.
Selflessly she has given of herself to give others a start.

This woman I speak of is special to me
For she's part of my life, she's my mom you see.

We haven't always been close as you and I know
But I've stopped living the past so now we can grow.

Our relationship has strengthened as we've opened our eyes.
We have built off the truthand discarded the lies.

This is truly a celebration of which you have earned
For you've passed on to others the things you have learned.

You have stayed true to yourself for twenty years now
And accumulated knowledge to show others how.

I call it a miracle these victories you've won
As are all other people who have done as you've done.

May you always stay true to who you are.
May your victories be many and may they take you far..

It is to your accomplishments mom that I wish to applaud
And the reason you’re here is but the grace of God.

(C) WightKnyt

This poem was written as a tribute to my mother for her life long struggle to over come the disease of alcoholism. She has been sober over 24 years as of this posting. At the time of the writing she was celebrating 20 years. It truly was a miracle.


Never

Never, never let them see you bleed.
Never, never let them see your need.
Don’t ask for favors, friendship, or a kind word;
You’ll only be made a fool, a freak, absurd!

The world is not for such as I.
It has no pity for the lonely cry.
Cruelty and violence are the mode of trade;
Abuse and torment how the rich are made.

The world feeds on the lonely, the frightened, the meek;
Their strength is made greater despising the weak.

So never, never let them see you grieve.
Never, ever wear your heart on your sleeve.

©1997 Becky


What did i do.......

All I did was tell him to wake up
Said it was time to go to work
I didn't expect him to yell at me
he just started going berserk.

He asked me what he was wearing today
I said why don't you get it yourself
There went the hurtful words again
I wish I was somebody else

He thinks I can't live without him
says i wouldn't dare
My heart is screaming out to him
hes not being very fair

How am I supposed live like this
Why does he hurt me so bad?
I thought he was here to love me
But he only makes me sad

One of these days I will show him
I will leave without looking back
I will start my life over again
Get myself back on track

But until then i will sit here
weeping silently as my dreams slip away
I hope one day I am happy
But for now this is how I will stay

© Danielle Walker


ESCAPE

THE TEARS ROLL DOWN MY PALE FACE,
MY HANDS THE CUPS THEY FILL
HIS BELLOWS ECHOED THROUGH THE HOUSE
I'D HAVE DIED IF LOOKS COULD KILL

HE'D SAID HE'D HAD A LOUSY DAY
THAT HIS LIFE WASN'T WORTH A DAMN
THEN WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHTNING
HIS FIST MET MY FACE IN A SLAM

HE SAID I WASN'T LISTENING
BUT I HEARD EVERY SOUND
FROM THE BANG OF HEAVY DOORS
TO THE DISHES THAT HIT THE GROUND

THEN HE CHARGED OUT OF THE HOUSE
PROBABLY HEADED TO THE BAR
HE SAID I WAS JUST WORTHLESS
AS HE SPED OFF IN THE CAR

AFTER THAT, I SAW MY REFLECTION
THE WELT ON MY CHEEK A HIDEOUS SITE
MY HEART SCREAMING OUT TO ME TO RUN
OR I WON'T LIVE THROUGH THIS NIGHT

MY MIND WON'T LET ME THINK
MY FEET TAKING STEPS TOWARDS THE DOOR
THEY MOVE SO VERY QUIETLY
AS THEY CROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR

MY FINGERS TURN THE KNOB
THAT WILL LET ME ESCAPE THIS CRUEL FATE
I WALK OUTSIDE THIS HOUSE
AND AWAY FROM AN UNCARING MATE

ITS TIME I STARTED OVER
I AM GONNA GET ON WITH MY LIFE
I'M NO LONGER GONNA BE A SLAVE
OR BE THAT S.O.B'S WIFE.

© Danielle Walker


So Scared

I sit here very quietly, so scared I barely breathe.
I know that shes still out there I can hear her calling me.
She's shouting out my name as if finding it angering to say
My heart begins to race, I won't escape today

"You better get your butt out here, Don't make me come and get you."
She bellows through the hallway, just inches from the door.
Oh please don't let her find me, as my tears slide to the floor

I have to use the restroom, and my legs are starting to ache
but I guess I will try to hold it, If she finds me surely I will die
I cover my ears so i can't hear her but still I want to cry

The footsteps right out side stop beside me now
I try to hide my self but it's useless anymore
Please don't hurt me Mama, in a whisper I implore

Those eyes that she looks through burn an angry shade of blue
She grabs me by the arm and jerks me into the hall
I trip upon my foot and bang against the wall

She grabs a metal hanger and says we'll see who wins
I beg and beg her to stop please, and I promise I'll behave
But it only makes it worse, Now I can't be saved

Now i lay here quietly, so scared I barely breathe.
I know that shes still out there

© Danielle Walker


Father Mine

They say blood is thicker than water
Then why does our love always bleed
Yeah blood, it’s thicker than water
But I say true love it bleeds
Nothing you can say
Will ever dry my heart’s blue tears
Too late to take it back
It’s gone too far through all these years

Father mine, how can we stay together
Father mine, when we’re so blind to each other
Father mine, we should be lovin’ one another
Father mine, husband of my mother
Likeness of my brother
Always and forever
No tie can ever sever
Father mine

There’s a way to the altar
If we are willing to forgive
No, love will never falter
If we will only let it live
There’s no time to lose
We’ve got to get back to our own
Don’t you wait to choose
Or we may never get back home

Father mine, how can we stay together
Father mine, when we’re so blind to each other
Father mine, we should be lovin’ one another
Father mine, husband of my mother
Likeness of my brother
Always and forever
No tie can ever sever
Father mine

Do you feel the wall is falling
Or will you entrench another stone
Can you hear the seed that’s calling
Don’t forget that you’re part of what you’ve sown
Everytime you turn away
Another flower dies
Reconciliation


Isn’t something money buys

Father mine, how can we stay together
Father mine, when we’re so blind to each other
Father mine, we should be lovin’ one another
Father mine, husband of my mother
Likeness of my brother
Always and forever
No tie can ever sever
Father mine

copyright 1994 db publications


A Question

what did you see
when you looked
deeply into eyes
blinded by your lies
what did you feel
when you touched
a scared little girl
cowering from your size

Shell
© 1995 Silent Waves Publications


True Love
My heart is aching for you now
No longer closeness you allow
Why you ignored my painful wails
I can't understand, my knowing fails
I loved you then, I love you still
You left an empty heart to fill
Your past abuse has caused you pain
It's hard to trust and love again
You filled my life with joy and tears
I wish we'd lasted many years
I hope I opened your heart enough
So you would feel again, and love
Your pain has pushed my love away
I'd still be with you now, today
I cried for weeks, at times still do
I'll love you always and miss you too
Even though my heart is broken
The million tears were but a token
I'd do it all again for  you
To know you're better for it too
I'd never known true love before
It hurt so much you locked the door
You crumbled the walls around my heart
With shared tears you took them apart
I'm worthy of love, I now accept
This greatest gift from you I kept
These new tears now I cry
I'm missing you and now know why
A deeper love may never find
My heart as true as yours and mine
I pray someday I'll hold you again
If this allows our hearts to mend
© Gary J. Wilkerson.... 8/15/97


Home

"You’re stupid and you’re worthless. You’re lazy and you’re bad."
I hear it all so often and it makes me feel so sad.

I try so hard to please but it turns into a fight.
No matter what I do you say it’s never right.

Your screams they chill my blood and fill me with such fear.
There’s no peace for my soul whenever I am here.

This house is not a home, a place I can be "me".
Some day I’ll find a home, from abuse I will be free.

A home should be a place to love and laugh and care.
There never should be threatening or any violence there.

I know that I’m not worthless no matter what you say.
I know that if I try I’ll have my dreams one day.

And you’ll be sitting here in this house that’s not a home,
Filled with all your hate, so bitter and alone.

-Sher
-August 16, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


The Birds Are Singing

She wanted to hear the birds
She always thought of the summer birds
outside her window after mommy
went to work and left him there
The birds were right outside
But he would never let her open
the window when he came
to touch her in those secret places

But she still listened hard for their trills
Over the grunts, the gags, and the pain
as he stole all hope of their songs
drowned in sticky pink pools of lost
innocence dripping between her thighs
day after day he left her tired,
too tired for one so young
and like mommy, she didn't sleep well
so she found the pills and did as mommy did
but many many more times before she rested

and now he no longer comes to her room
there are no more "secret places"
The sun is bright, the grass so green
There's no need for open windows
as she rests undisturbed in the meadow
She's lying peacefully, eternally beneath their tree
And the birds are singing, the birds are finally singing

© 1997 Ruth Solomon


Happy Mother's Day....

Taking up space in this atmosphere
I often wonder what it would be like
If I was never here
What would you do?
Who would you have beaten?
Insulted, locked in and hated so..
Who would you have starved, raped and insulted?

Remember the day , I dared to ask
Why do you do this , "Don't you love me no more?"
"LOVE YOU?"...you laughed...
I gave you life, though I wanted you not..
Failed at aborting you..
You grew in me like an Evil Spawn..
For this you will pay...
From Dusk till Dawn..

"Love you"? ...Hell I detest you're existence you said.
I brought you here, and I shall take you back.
You ruined my life, this you will see.
You have no right to life, believe you me.
You took mine and I’ll take yours

The Words haunt me , but they turned to hate
Mothers day comes and it goes
With each one that passes
My hatred weakens, my loathing diminishes.

Do not get me wrong, for I have no forgiveness
But with each one that passes
I remember you, you're words
You're steel gleam in you're eyes..
I remember who taught me how to hate
Who left me for dead, not once twice or trice..
You don't deserve Heaven Mother
And you're not worthy of Hell...
I forgive you not, but I have no more hate
I'll throw a party when you meet you're fate

HAPPYMOTHER’S DAY
From me to you
May this day be filled with thought's of me
Hear my Scream's echo in you're head..
Oh Mother Maybe next Year You'll be dead...
© Angela Gschwind 1992


This one I wrote after I had the courage to finally leave an abusive relationship.. I was only 18.

Open the Door Please!!!!!!!!

Let me in.. So I can tell you who I am and where I've been...
So nice to see you ... Not sure we have met...
My heart is aching and I am weak  will you help me
help me find what I seek...

"Yes", You say come here my child.
For I am wise and full of wisdom
Teach me , help me find who I am supposed to be..
Let me see the way , and feel the way you feel...

I walk over the threshold full of hope and glee
Like as child looking into the light for the very first time
My eyes are burning, heart is yearning to end this misery
A weightless feeling comes upon me with your words..
"Let me show you the way" I hear you say..

I listen to you, you make me feel so whole..
Hours together, every spare moment we steal..
I give you my heart, my life and my Soul...
You stroke my ego, you give me love, You help me heal..

I hear the door close behind me now..
This is my life, I have yearned for so..
All these new feelings I have not felt before..

I turn to see the door is locked..
Now I am yours, You are now mine..
The lock is turning, a new feeling arises..
For now I begin to see what you have done with your time..

The strength I have gained your stripping from me.
One layer at a time you peel my heart..
I look at the door for it has a new meaning to me..
How could I have not seen this from the start...

Crawling on my knees I reach for the lock..
My dignity is gone, my life has no meaning..
You stand above me and laugh in my face..
I am crying, tears streaming down my cheeks

With everything I have I reach for the door..
Open it with the aching empty feeling I know so well..
Memory's of us are racing through my mind..
I was content looking for heaven. Yet I have found "Hell"

Your laughter fills the air as I crawl away..
My love turning to hate with each move I make..
Like a baby I crawl , I pull up and begin to rise...
Beginning to take steps as I get further away....
Standing at the end of the Hall , I turn around..
Looking at you, remembering all the joy, elation , hope and pain.
You laughing as you see me look away, I see the man that ad me bound
With the love, hate, anger, and lessons for me...
"I bid you farewell my love", for I thank you so..
For showing me I do not need you not to find who I am...
I just look inside and see for myself....
For I am "The keeper to the Door"
© Angela Gschwind


In my daze

In my days - I've seen plenty,
enough to go round about,
a wino's cotton gin,
again, and again, and again.

From my resting place - I see a land,
a world too full of pain,
now left to that fallen man,
and those too weary to abstain.

But I escaped - while still on my feet,
I was able to forge my pestilent retreat.
And I climbed onto my high tower,
to leave a world of torment behind;
in sin, and far too shallow to begin again.

Yes, in my days - I've seen plenty,
far too much for a young man.
And though I've had to cry,
I'm all the better - by and by,
as I am now prepared for the days
that shall surely never end -
ode to love, mans only true friend.

But if you could only see,
what I've seen in my days -
and where I've been -
you'd shut your eyes,
and wish you never,
had to see again.

© William Darryl Jackson
(TEOP97)


Rain Dancer

Through the window
she stares aimlessly
into rain drenched clouds
that magically take the shape
of her scars,
hidden from plain sight.

Shielded by the pain,
and the rain
her brighter days
remain hidden in the past.

So she sits and stares aimlessly,
dancing endlessly with her mind
through a myriad of reflections
buried beneath the pain, and the rain.

Then there is the door
where through love -
eases up behind her.
And when love leaves her,
he leaves her black and blue,
colors that now comfort her
while she dances endlessly,
daily, in the rain.

Yet there came one day -
joy, with more than pain
to Sher,
her love
gave way
to a friend.

And then
life and love,
and love and life,
danced their way
right on through
that horizon of pain
that once blinded her.

To welcome in the new,
pleasant, reality -
that this longsuffering,
this pain,
shall forever remain -
in her past,
to only be reflected on too.

© William Darryl Jackson
(TEOP97)


Escape

Twas only yesterday it seems,
when his love filled up all my dreams.
We laughed and loved and saw the stars,
but now he's off to frequent bars.

Why does my soul suffer such pain.
What evil lies in his domain.
His words of anger spoke so unkind,
has brought forth tears from my troubled mind.

His blows laid harshly on my face,
brings forth desires to leave this place.
The tears dry out with my unrest.
To be gone now doth seem the best.

-----------------------
Has been a year or two at last.
So glad to have him in my past.
I hold my head up straight and tall,
just knowing now I'll never fall.

Twas not so hard to find a way,
to stand on my own feet today.
The friends I've made the last few years,
has brought an ending to my tears.

By Myersey
Post script: In writing this poem I had to re-enter a dark place in my soul.
I don't like to go there, but was asked by a very dear friend to write it.
After writing and re-reading the poem I had a strong revolting feeling of joy - Perhaps because of leaving that dark place. I truly hope that this poem reaches someone in the dark and gives them the courage and strength to escape. "Seek and ye shall find"


My MAMA

Four years old
Christmas day
Big Brother seven
Held me and we stared at our
new bicycles- Wonderwoman and Spiderman,
Shiny and waiting for us.
Mama was screaming in the bathroom,
"HELP ME! HELP ME! SOMEONE!!"
I ran toward mother, BROTHER grabbed me.
"It will be present time soon, just wait," he said.
She screamed!!
Dad was choking my Mommy.
She cried for us to help....
And we stared at our bikes.
Spiderman and Wonderwoman could not
save this day,
I think of this everyday when I wonder why she
put the gun to her head one sunny morning.
And I know why...
I know why and it kills me when I hear the echoes
of her screaming for us.

© 1997 Diane


Love Wise

Fear not the evil that men do
As of a love that speaks untrue
For this can make your spirit blue
And only time will comfort you

A bodily blow can end it's flight
And send your body to it's night
An evil game of love played right
Can steel from you the glowing light

Protect within that which is gold
Not trusting lightly, for that is bold
The darkest lies unto you told
Will cause your opened heart to fold

Defense can stop the evil deed
But not the opened heart to bleed
If your heart loves then do take heed
There is no reason for you to speed

By Myersey


Edward Charles

Only once can I remember saying aloud
to my father
FUCK YOU
after all the years of telling me not to
SULK when I wasn't really
SMILE when I wasn't happy
and to quit
SLAMMING DOORS when I hated him
for being who he didn't even know.
Smart as he was, he couldn't figure out why I hated him.
So many reasons all summed up in
FUCK YOU!
He beat me
kicked my ribs while screaming for an apology.

FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!
I said.............

© 1997 Diane


Little Do You Know

Hit me, punch me, beat me, cheat me
These are the ways in which you defeat me
Little do you know it is not pain that I feel
Little do you know I pretend it's not real
It's all a dream - fabrications of the mind
The strength to cover isn't hard to find
Bruises and scratches can be explained
Stress and failures can be named
You think you have control;
Little do you know
It is my body you control
Not my heart, not my mind, and not my soul

© 1989 Me!


Few Mistakes

My eye is black with a hint of blue
my cheek on the bone, split in two
I do his chore, I finish his tasks,
never once have I had the courage to ask
Why do you hit?
Why do you beat?
Why must I bow on my knees to your feet?
I've done nothing wrong.
I've committed few mistakes,
Why must it be my blood that you take?
I answer your calls and I tend to your needs,
Your are the master, the one who leads.
Trying to be discrete
I can still hear whispers of anger bringing forth feat.
Words that hurt, actions could kill,
unnecessary roughness,
I'll just wait until. . .
I'll wait until the sun rises
'till a night has past
Anger turned to love,
I knew it wouldn't last
needed time to rest,
time to forget.
Love is forever,
That I cannot regret.

© 1989 Me!


Inside

Inside she hides,
not often shown.
Behind her wall,
that is her home.

Inside her world
she hides her fears.
She lives through illusions
and many tears.

Inside hides the one
who nightly cries.
Despite the smile
outside that cries.

Inside she screams,
trying to share,
But shoved back is she,
like she isn't there.

Inside the one who
refuses what's right.
She desperately tries
to win the fight.

© 1989 Me!


CAN'T PRAY NO MORE

Can't pray no more.
Praying didn't help me,
Every time I was beaten by my true love.
What was I doing wrong,
I'd wonder,
As my face hit the wall.
Must not be trying hard enough.

Can't pray no more.
Praying didn't help me,
Pregnant with a baby that I couldn't keep.
What was I going to do,
I'd wonder,
Hidden in a shelter--
Broken women, hopelessness surrounding me.

Can't pray no more.
Praying didn't help me,
Empty-armed, lying in a hospital bed.
How will I go on,
I'd wonder,
While watching new mothers,
Holding tiny babies, cradling little heads.

Can't pray no more.
Praying won't help me.
All alone, no more words that haven't been said,
To a god who don't
Ever answer,
Who just mutely observes me
While I beg.

© 1997 L. Michelle Johnson


THE HUCKSTER AND THE LOOPHOLE

In isolation I have existed
In a threadbare straitjacket woven
Long ago by my mind's white-knuckled weaver.
Sadness has wormed its way into
My restraint, breaking my backbone,
Leaving me floundering, wallowing,
In this cesspool of congealed rage
Against the Huckster--who
Peddled biblical verses while strutting
A paragon's pose;
And against The Loophole of sin--
His god's forgiveness,
The legal tender he expects me to accept
In lieu of revenge for the murder
Of My Child's innocence.

© 1997 L. Michelle Johnson


THE VALLEY

His sin-sick soul
Crushed my trembling body.
Bloody rage
I surrendered in the darkness.
His hot breath
Nailed me to the narrow night cross,
Until wearied,
I prayed to linger no longer.

In restless non-rememberance,
I sing of twisted danger.
To silence I share
The emptiness
Of comatose memories.
Peace--
That transient promise,
That precious mercy--
I cannot feel while held
Within the embrace of nightmares.

Now, in the quiet valley,
I stand on the rock
Embedded in the heart
Of the deep, sweet river.
I cannot yet bear
To break through the rippled surface,
But one day I will,
And scatter forever
Slatted shadows
Through moonlighted air.

© 1997 L. Michelle Johnson


I Don’t Understand

Chorus
She loves you so much, but you just don’t care.
Why can’t you see the treasure that’s there?
What other men crave in the palm of your hand.
And you crush it with hate, I just don’t understand.

How can you treat your woman so bad?
She tries so hard but you just get mad.
I can see in her eyes that she loves you true.
But crush her dreams is all that you do.
I haven’t been blessed with a wife and family.
I just don’t understand why you can’t see.
You grab her to tease and the kids go to tears.
What hell have they have been living all of these years?

Repeat Chorus

When I was a kid my Dad did that, too.
Got drunk and hit Mom and sometimes us, too
Until one day , finally, we were big enough,
My brother and I showed him he wasn’t so tough.
From then til he died, he treated her right.
It was such a relief to not hear them fight.
I know you can stop if you really try.
Don’t you get tired of watching her cry?

Repeat Chorus

She’s beautiful, smart, talented and sweet.
But whatever she does you try to defeat.
All you can do is treat her like dirt.
You break her heart and you make her hurt.
She’s loving and true, the perfect wife.
But soon I fear she’ll seek out a new life.
And then at last, she’ll finally be free.
I don’t understand why you can’t see.

-Sher
-December 4, 1997
© 1997 Dear One Publications


"The Beast"

In the darkness lay the beast at slumber,
Finding not from within a satisfaction for it's cruel hunger.
Thy light awakes the animal for reasons not known,
But felt when it lashes out for it's emotional meal.
Shall it ever fill and be content with what it has already taken from thee?
Does the void it dwells in consume the memory of blood spilt time and again?
Slaughter with only seconds of remorse does he,
Knowing not that it reaps more than one can bear to give.
Constant control over the victim does it desire with bad intent,
To toy with the prey, releasing and catching thee for demented pleasure.
Each time set free thy is given false hope of pain to be forgotten,
Not realizing you are only to be trapped again without cause.
Soon the strikes shall hit harder with less time between to take more,
Till all that is left is the carcass of a gamed spirit.
Chooses does the prey to be the object of such evil repetition.
Let not the hunter of self-gratifying deeds be the victor,
Stand-fast to thy ground and rebut the attacks to survive.
Show weakness and thee shall parish as time does in our lives,
Be strong to escape and days to come will be there as a luxury.
Seek within thyself and from others and battle the evil of false love,
For no soul deserves the torment of life that grows from an empty man.

Inspired by Abused Women
©1997 VilePoet


A Broken Heart

It wasn't supposed to be like this
He was supposed to always love me
What did I do to deserve this
I wish there was a way to be free

He was supposed to honor and cherish
To give us all he could
But instead he hands out insults
And swears he's misunderstood

I imagined beautiful gardens
And a house with a picket white fence
Instead I have a cramped apartment
And a spouse who rarely makes sense

I thought my love could save us
Or maybe time would cure it all
I still can't keep myself from hoping
Even knowing i only rise to fall

Just when I think we're proceeding
His taunts show me just where I stand
I feel like a solitude prisoner
trapped in a nomans land

Sometimes I sit in my bedroom
My desperation tearing me apart
And I wonder if its possible
To die of a broken heart.....

© Danielle 12/97


Lost....

Blindly, I race to catch it
My tears slipping from my cheeks
My heart is racing frantically
Still i find not what I seek

I feel as if I have traveled forever
And have forever still to go
I keep on moving closer
But to me it never shows

The further behind I leave them
The closer they seem to get
When I think I am close to the finish
A piece of the puzzle just doesn't fit

My mind tells me I have gone mad
My ears hear the words whispered too
I'm lost in a place of nowheres
and I haven't a clue what to do

If only I could find someone
To lend a hand and maybe a care
Then i could lose these monsters
Or find they aren't really there

Well enough of this wishful thinking
I have many miles left to face
I'm still trying to dig my way out
Though I only see empty space

But in the future maybe I will see you
And maybe It will be worth the cost
Just maybe someone will love me
And I will no longer be lost....

© Dani...1-98


Him

He smoked Marlboro and the gray haze
littered my dreams, not as a child but
as a prisoner of war, I was not enlisted
nor threatening, yet I was captured
and made to do the work of a woman
four times my age. Innocence shaken,
ravished and rummaged through, as
I am the one left picking up the pieces.
A kiss goodnight has more meaning now
as does being left alone with "him"
in my house of cards that comes
tumbling down the minute everyone is asleep.
And I am prey, a victim, a broken branch
in a forest of perfectly lined trees.
Fragments of seconds hold me captive,
I scream inside yet no one hears
I'm petrified as I sleep by the wall
(or as close to it as I can get without becoming it)
wishing I was invisible,
untouchable and free.

(c) Linda Dominique Grosvenor


Words Burst Forth

Notice how a simple thing you say
Can tear someone apart?
Or a reaction before the thinking
Can sting like a needle through the heart?
The words we say have more power
Then the fists of the street.
One simple word can tear a heart
And bring one to their knees.

Chorus:
All these words burst forth
And they can't be taken back.
Snarling snapping bring to tears,
It can never be taken back.

Fearful engines whine the call,
But no one seems to hear.
And every time the words flood out
It stings a virgin ear.
Like venom from a snake bite,
Flooding through the veins.
Mind bursting into fire tombs,
And falling down in flames.

Chorus

Watch the lips of ungaurded fears
Twisted words spew forth.
Restrain the ones that tear the soul
A hand over the mouth.
Play their game of tears no more
And fetch the us the glue.
All we can do is mend the broken
And make the lies true.

Chorus

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Secret Like A Killer

He builds the walls around them,
And works them to the bone.
One steps out of line,
Emotionally beaten with stones.
He lays back and watches,
Takes the verbal abuse to flight.
Taken out to the back,
Broken and woven too tight.

Chorus:
Alive.
With a secret like a killer inside.
And I never want to see you again,
Don't let your mind
Scrape through my eyes.

He destroys their self esteem,
For his sick mind game.
Stolen and ripped at the seams,
His head is crying rain.
Walled in his own abuse,
Reliving past regrets.
Taken by him there is no use,
End or end all they must choose.

Chorus

Put an end to this,
Hard to break his hold.
But fight against it,
And break away his molds.
It's hard to resist
The temptation to fold.
But pry the iron grip,
Dont be left to mold.

Chorus

And it ends again,
And it begins again.
Somewhere out there,
Somewhere in the cold.
Cry and regain their strength
At the base of their cry tower.
Break away with collided strength,
And build another home.

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Silent Chains

Some other man some other town,
He's the one that drags you down.
Ripped in half in the night.
Drunk again and out of site.
Mumbling words he doesn't know,
Left facedown in the snow.
Another place another time,
Brutality his only crime.

Chorus:
So you left him in the cracks,
And you swore there was no going back.
But every time he lied loved you he said,
You think he won't do it again.

He swears again he'll never do
Anything to hurt you.
You can see flame in eye,
It just makes you want to cry.
But every time you see the signs,
And the neverending brutal times.
He says he loves you so,
He doesn't want to let you go.

Chorus

And you're broken in by the shame,
This agony is making you insane.
Overpowers you once again,
You can't see and he's not dead.
Somewhere there is hope for you,
And you know what you must do.
Break away the silent chains,
Never go back to the same.

Chorus

Out there there is hope for you,
Lights that show what you must do.
Break down the silent chains,
And never be beaten by the shame.

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Where In Hell Were You?

I was verbally tortured as a child...where in hell were you?
I lived terrified on nights my father came home drunk...where in hell were you?
I lived terrified when he came in late...where in hell were you?
I lived in loneliness when I was little...where in hell were you?
My ex-husband left the two kids and me with no food or money...where in hell were you?
I had to sell personal belongings and antiques to keep us going.....where in hell were you?
I lost my home due to repossession.....where in hell were you?
I had to scrimp and scrape together $900 for rent and a deposit.....where in hell were you?
I lost my job.....where in hell were you?
I was lonely.....where in hell were you?
I ate leftovers from 2 weeks prior that made me sick.....where in hell were you?
I had unnecessary surgery, got sick many times.....where in hell were you?
I needed a friend to talk to, someone's shoulder to cry on.....where in hell were you?
I lost my mother at Christmas time last year.....where in hell were you?
I was promised wedded bliss and was expected to serve him as a god.....where in hell were you?
I was jilted out of thousands of dollars .....where in hell were you?
I was used, abused, and confused .....where in hell were you?
I've been raped, pillaged and burned.....where in hell were you?

You were not there when I needed your loving kindness. I called out to you.
Only God was there to answer.
And with God as my witness, I will not do to others what you have done to me.

© 1998 Roxann


Puppetmaster

Tied to their strings,
Forgotten everything.
Snapped up by him,
Dancing and singing.
Reversed loving,
These puppets on their strings.
Tossed about by him,
Controlling everything.

Chorus:
It's the same way,
Every day.
The strings that bind them,
Every day.
The things he makes them do,
Every day.
Locks them inside him,
In every way.

He paints their faces happy,
Hides all they feel.
The little kids enjoy the show,
But their life is a living wheel.
Round and round it goes,
Stumbling along barren desert.
He makes them wait
Inside all their forced hurt.

Chorus

The nightmare of him,
Forced into their eyes.
Drawing pretty clothes,
He makes their life a lie.
Walls of his cage,
They walk around lifeless.
In the circus of his stage,
The strings that make their life lies.

Chorus

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Sun

Little girl, she plays outside
just because she loves the sun
She laughs as she plays
She sings the whole day
Oh, she hurts no one
Yes she hurts no one

Come in my room
And I'll give you a toy
And he closed the door
But she didn't know
Just how far he would go
To satisfy demons inside
He Listens to demons inside

(Chorus)
Don't tell a soul of
Your terror inside
He made her promise
As her innocence died
And the pain and the hurt
Were plainly ignored
As he forced her to come back
Tommorrow once more

(Bridge)
And she laughs no more
She laughs no more

She fights through the tears
for many a year,
and it's so fucking hard
to live with the fear
And she feels so ashamed
'Cause she feels she's to blame

But somehow she makes it
She casts him away
Oh she's back to laughing
most everyday

She's a strong lady
Despite what he's done
And she has to smile
When she plays in the sun

She still loves the sun
God, how she loves the sun.

Copyright 1995 Brian Gavin


Flight Of The Survivor

She's like a flower in his garden.
Watered, kept alive,
Only to be torn from it's roots.
His garden full of victims.
Pick and choose, dead alive.
Mock towering wisdom.
And she is like the money in his pocket.
Keeping, saving,
Only to be burned on useless toys.
The dollars in his wallet.
Lying, waiting,
How will he feed his joys?

She lies awake at night,
Next to him in the dark.
And why can't she find the light,
Dulling deep inside her heart?

He wakes in the morning.
She cleans him, she feeds,
Not a thank you as he leaves her.
Home sometime late tonight,
Abuses her needs,
He never knew what they were.
The eyelids tear her down,
Peering, seething,
Hot words fog the air.
And when he's done with her,
Sitting, kneeling,
Fixes her with hard stare.

And when he is away,
She sits at the kitchen table.
What could she ever say?
Or is she even able?

Breathing in her face.
In a hot bed at night,
Screams break out from deep within.
Tearing at her insides,
So they fit just right.
Wine glass shatters nearby desk light.
Completely spent and wasted,
Went from bed to the floor,
Lashed out at her with his nails.
She's left bruised and bloodied,
In the corner near the door.
Nobody hears her silent wails.

She is alone in her head,
Tired of the endless pain.
She just wishes she was dead,
Some lifeless body in the rain.
But suddenly voices pour into her head,
She snaps to full attention.
Familiar and yet so mysterious,
She lifted her eyes and listened.
The voices soft at first,
They rise in her ears.
The voices of her friends,
The comfort of the years.
She stares at the sinner in her bed,
And saw everything perfectly clear.
Didn't wait one more minute,
Took her things and left.
Went to the comforting arms
Of those friends that were left.

And so he wakes in the morning.
Wants his breakfast,
But she is nowhere to be found.
So he made his way to work,
Without the slave girl,
But now he is looking around.
Not for her anymore,
He couldn't care less,
But for an easy kill.
And as long as we're aware,
And watch for the tear,
He never will.

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Dark Tomb

"God, help me...somebody help me..."
She screams in the night.
Torn by the hands
Of the man
That was supposed loved her.
Nobody hears her cries,
And she's so trapped inside,
All his walls.
His cage.
Stabbing sticks to see what she'll do.

She sits in her corner,
In her dark room at night.
She feels like she's nothing,
She feels so dead inside.
And every time he screams,
Like needles through her heart.
But she knows he's there,
Waiting,
Staring,
Those cold eyes in the dark.

And he springs,
She screams,
And his games begin again.
Terror rains out of her,
The pain explodes inside.
She stares into nothing
As he throws down her body.
These nights just keep happening,
But nobody believes.

She says "He is doing these awful things to me!"
But nobody listens to her.
And every night these sheets dripping pain,
He is in the hallway,
She can hear him,
Breathing hard,
Waiting....
And once again he strikes.

She fights back with everything she has,
But he is just too strong.
Everywhere she goes,
She feels that burning deep inside.
She feels his eyes upon her.
Those cold steel eyes.

And she sits in her corner,
Her eyes flood with tears.
And his shadow moves without a sound
Into the dark room.
And she prays,
And she wishes,
And she whispers to herself in that dark tomb,
"Please...no more...

...no more, Daddy..."

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Dear Mom

I had to sit and write you as I think of you today,
There's just so much down in my heart, I never got to say,
It's hard for me to say these things, my anger wants to guide,
Yet there are other feeling here, feelings I can't hide,
I think about the days of old and all the love back then,
Today it seems I made it up, like a dream or just pretend,
You cut me off from all your world and say, " just stay away."
There's nothing I can do except get on my knees and pray,
I'm still that little girl you raised but now I am full grown,
My values and my morals come from what I learned at home,
You taught me to stand up for what I know is right inside,
That only served to take from me, your love, once felt with pride,
I think about you often, I wish things weren't this way,
I know there isn't anything that I can do or say,
Some day you might just change your mind and open up the door,
I only wish, if that day came, it could be like once before,
My kids are growing very fast and they do not know you,
They're innocent in all of this, yet their hearts feel so blue,
No grandma and no grandpa, that seems to ring a bell,
It's clear I can't except their loss, my heart's locked in a cell,
My husband feels my sadness but there's nothing he can do,
You see, this is the choice you made, it's all left up to you,
I simply had to tell you all the things I feel inside,
For now it is so clear to me, your love for me has died.

copyright by Ginger Burton


Get Back What You Deserve

As I sit and watch the door, I worry when he’ll come,
He’ll find something to hit me for, no matter what I’ve done,
I wonder if there is a God, if so where has he been,
I think that he is scolding me, for a past or present sin,
I ask him for foregiveness, to make this go away,
It never seems to do it though, I think it’s here to stay,
When I was just a little girl, my daddy would tell me,
I always will protect you , just wait and you will see,
The world goes by and still I sit and wonder what went wrong,
My life is like a nightmare and all my hope seems gone,
I’m told that there is hope for me, someone will save my life,
I don’t know how this could be true, I see nothing but strife,
One day I got my courage up and said, “ No more I say.”
You do not have the power to hold me here this way,
Now I live in peace and love and only thoughts remain,
It’s seems that God heard all my prays and now there’s
no more pain.

copyright by Ginger Burton


Listening for Judgement

I try to keep the door of memory shut
concerning the closeted secret things
which occurred between you and I,
so long ago, but hinges peel back,
closed portal opens, and I remember;
childhood images of terror rarely fade.

When night opens its black maw
and silence swallows me whole in my bed,
sometimes I hear footsteps again.
Stealthy, hungry footsteps pounding,
like blood in my ears, pounding like
terrified heartbeats, an impossible weight
hammering the anvil of a young breast,
coming closer, pounding, keeping time,
trapping time, killing childhood time,
with tiptoed metronome steps falling
like thunder no one else could hear. . .
I was too young for this knowledge.

Yet old enough for twisted needs,
the images bound forever inside me;
a finger placed against lips,
a shushed warning breathed heavily
between clenched teeth,
a shadowed face in motion,
illuminated by a halo of illicit lust
like foxfire, like Will 'o Wisp mist,
to fade like a ghost in gasps of fulfillment;
back to dark swamps of origin,
as you probed away my innocence.
I was too young for this knowledge.

I am grown now, and bent with secrets.
The hair on your head is gray,
and you are bent with age.
You no longer wish to hear
the laughter of children,
because you are listening
for the horn of Judgement now.
I meet your eyes from time to time
with hooded gaze and wonder,
if you've reconciled your soul. . .

© Ruth Solomon 1998


Blackened Eyes

Through your blackening thoughts,
And your blackening mind.
I never took a step back,
Away from your blackened eyes.
Your bleeding heart,
The pain running through your veins.
Deep blue black ringed eyes,
Your head's crying for rain.

You've cried the same for years and years,
Getting so used to your dried up tears.
You try to fight back but you never win,
And the skies above your head are far from clear.

Step outside your blackened mind,
And stare through unblackened eyes.
You see everything is there,
It's there ripe for the taking.
All you need is the will to get there,
You need strength not given right here.
There's something you can't find,
And you'll never find it under him.

You've tried the same for years of tears,
Getting so used to fighting back the tears.
Every time you try you lose once again,
But never give into your own fear.

He sketches blackened eyes,
Masks your face in those lies.
But now whatever you do,
You feel him following you.
It just doesn't work for you,
When all you get is the dead.
So lifeless to your own self,
Blackened eyes in your head.

You've tried fight same for so many years,
Your just getting used to giving up years.
Every time you tried to stand by yourself
You fell and everything collapsed in fear.

He never let you fly for these feeble tears,
You cant get used to him beating your years.
You need to fly you need to beat down your fears,
These blackened eyes you need to break out of here.

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications



Cage Wall Well

For as long as I know I was in that well,
Floating on my back staring at the sky.
Every penny tossed in for good luck,
Bounced off my dry tear eye.
Many times I've tried to claw my way up,
But these walls are too slippery.
And every time I begin to give up,
There's just something else that pushes me.

Chorus:
Look at me,
Look at me now.
I'm tearing myself apart,
And it's all for you.
Look to me,
Look in my eye.
I'm drowning myself,
And it's all for you.

I've lived in the well all my life,
Watching the spiders climb the walls.
I can't sleep or I'll sink,
So I've stayed awake all this time.
I stare at the hovering sun,
And the walls don't move and don't give.
I want to make myself go blind,
So I don't have to stare at that grin.

Chorus

Floating on my back in this cage wall well,
The water is beginning to burn.
The flames eat me alive,
And my stomach starts to turn.
I can see your piercing eyes,
And my heart skips a beat.
As long as you've fed me these lies,
You've had the upper seat.

I don't know where I've gone,
Or rather where you've pushed me.
But as long as there was this well,
You kept me in it so you could be,
Be the one in charge,
Be the one to fly.
But can I ask you something,
How can you when you don't know why?

Stare at me,
Look at me.
I'm climbing up these walls,
And it's for me.
Look at this,
Can't you see.
I've been burned alive,
But I wake up,
And it's for me

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Making Up

She’s making up just to avoid a fight.
She’s making up just to survive the night.
He’s making up excuses to hit her again.
He’s making up apologies he doesn’t even mean.
She’s making up her face to cover the marks.
She’s making up lies to cover the pain.

Chorus
Seems making up is a woman’s way.
Making up and going on another day.
Time to see making up in a new light.
Time to do what she knows is right.

She’s making up her mind that this isn’t right.
She’s making up a plan to disappear into the night.
She’s making up for lost love and time.
She’s making up dreams and a new life.
She’s making up for the pain of all those years.
She’s making up for those rivers of tears.

Repeat Chorus

-Sher
-Feb. 8, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications


Flee From The Hater

He paints your life,
But he paints it with hammers.
Teary black eye,
But he buys you glamour.
He let's you inside,
They he claws like the tiger.
Bathes you in gasoline,
And he sets you on fire.

Chorus:
You blame yourself
For every fist that he makes,
For every black eye he gives,
Every nose that he breaks.
Can't blame yourself
For all the fists that he makes,
All the lies that he gives,
Every promise he breaks.

Bloody black eye,
He comes home feeling super.
To him you cry,
He puts you in a stupor.
Beats you senseless,
He remains as the breaker.
He paints your life,
But he paints it with hammers

Chorus

Look at him now,
He's sitting there glowing.
Every screamed word,
It goes by without knowing.
He enjoys having you,
Enjoys giving and showing.
Gives you the pain,
Shows that he's hating.
He paints your world,
But he paints it with hammers.
Look at yourself,
Turn and face the breaker.
All the rage you feel,
For the one who's the taker.
The giver of pain,
The undenying love faker.

Chorus

And you can't blame yourself
For every face that he makes,
All the pain that he gives,
Every limb that he breaks.
It isn't your fault
He lives as the breaker,
He enjoys to give pain,
He lives as the taker.
Find in yourself,
Find your own breaker.
To break away the pain,
To flee from the taker.
Find in yourself,
Find your cry tower.
Cry out the pain,
And flee from the hater.

C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications


Corners Of A Mind

Laying here - Eyes shut
Traveling back to the days
I had to become an adult
Because of an adult
Laying here - Eyes shut
Seeing death
Lurking in the deep black corners
Corners no adult wishes to enter
But I - (A child still) - Have
These places can kill you
If you threaten them
By talking - Telling
Because you were taught - Be silent
I control you - Ignore it
In a million ways
By a trusted adult
Go to these corners
And guilt overpowers you
You dirty unworthy daughter
Of course you deserve
Everything you get
And knowing no boundaries
People use you
Here in these corners
Grief and pain become unbearable
So long ago - You became immune to it
Because these corners - Know no mercy
Here you creat locks - Masks - Walls
To survive - If you're lucky
There may be an unlocked window
But you'll have to find it
I am too weak and scared
Lost and afraid
To move
Laying here - Eyes shut
I scream no.

© 1998 Christi


(No title)

Passing her on the street
Asking her how she's doing
Smiling, she says okay
Even though both know
Okay means dodging insults
And traces of alcohol
And another woman
In his eyes
Staying behind him
In shadows of fear
Living a life
Of excuses
Becoming his sex toy
Yo-yo, Punching bag
As does the child
Who weeps in a corner
Alone and silent
Crossing her fingers
He won't fuck with her tonight
Counting her only blessing
That she is still alive
You know this
As she smiles and says okay
Because you smile
And say things are okay too.

© 1998 Christi


Surface Level

I see you standing alone
Dressed in black
People surround you
Only looking for your smile
And cheerful voice
Forgetting that your soul
Is buried deep within
Somewhere forbidden
The pain is lost
Underneath lies
The tears are frozen
In a cave of ice
I see you standing alone
Dressed in black
Unspoken pain
Piercing the silence
An unspoken past
Shrouded in darkness
People surround you
Only looking for your smile
That will give them
The comfort - The lie
They feed upon
At your expense.

© 1998 Christi


A FEW SMALL REPAIRS

I wanted to prevent violence
from happening in my family
but sometimes you succeed
other times you fall

I am up to my neck
in all this violence
why can't we
make it all go away

chorus:
we need to do what we can to bring back peace again
to bring love back into our lives
nobody cares but a few small repairs
will start us over again

true love is loving one another
for this is stronger than hate
love is what we need
to show the light, to bring others back home

© 1998 Layne Lucas


Hating Sundown and New Moons

I couldn't stand to see,
the sky turn purple...and no moon.
For it meant the night
would come with whispers,
prying, squeezing hands
and other things to fill
too small spaces in the dark

Monsters with tentacles
would have been
welcome companions.
They were figments.
Scary childhood figments.
That would one day go away.

I am still hating sundowns
and new moons,
for what they brought and hid.
Things that stay with me.
Always.

© Ruth Solomon 1998


Eyes Of Ember

Grief is a slow, moving silhouette
that knows not how to sleep.
And my weary eyes, of ember, weep
to see a world
full of despair and hate.
Race against race,
brother against brother
man against woman and child,
man against man
in a jungle, wild.
Let us walk free, the earth
I pray, free from danger, free of fear
from beast of man
that lurk in jungle shadows near,
who prey on the young and old.
We are the men, women and children
of Gods lost garden of Eden.
Who are envisioned in evil fantasies
in the darkenss between beast of man, and his mind.
(C)1996
by Janice Davis Williams
jwill83582@aol.com


The Vows We Spoke Are Now Broke

We married for love ever after,
but loneliness has replaced the laughter.
A raise of your hand has replaced
a once gentle touch.
You don't seem to care to much.
Love turned into hate,
if loves going to hurt that way.
I don't want to participate.
For the vows you spoke
have slowly broke.
A love put under a curse;
we said for better or worse.
Honor and obey. Who is to say
till death do us part, when love has left its mark.

(C)1985
by Janice Davis Williams
jwill83582@aol.com


I FINALLY SEE IT NOW

my eyes can't help but wonder
back to a time of love
up till now it was the last thing
I wanted to think of

then is where I had a place to go
a place to call my home
but here there is nothing left
but these old streets I roam

I get by in this life
with what I have somehow
everything changes over time
so I finally see now

you would think that my life was over
because it all has past
but somehow I got through
and here I am at last

I want to go back right now
when I was the happiest
but I must face reality
and be happy I made it to this..point

© 1998 layne lucas


DEVOTION

My heart is like an ocean
so big and so wide
it's a mystery of knowing
what's deep down inside

it goes on forever
it has no end
I want to share with you
so please dive in

we can swim forever
right here together
this is our ocean
I love you for life
and I'm here for you
will all my devotion

if you ever get lost at sea
calling for someone to help
you know you can count on me
to save yourself

I'll be there by your side
forever and ever
it maybe rough waves we travel
but we're in this thing together

© 1998 layne lucas



I’ve Helped An Angel To Fly
By Bob Ricker
09/15/96
The Ricker Music Group Inc.
Tele# (919) 362-1294 or (615) 664-1465
© 1997 by Bob Ricker - All Rights Reserved, Email RickerSong@AOL.com
Copyright September 1997

She came so early in the morning
With the rain pouring down
My life became so wonderful
Just having her around

She was so helpless
And I held her so tight
It seemed she was a miracle
It all seemed so right

We each became the other
We swore our love would always be
To cherish each moment
The rest of the world we did not see

My heart was breaking
when I started to doubt
Like a lifeless creature
whose heart has been torn out

Chorus
I put my hands on her shoulders
I kissed her and thought I would die
I looked one more time, and she was on her way
I then realized I’ve helped an angel to fly

Bridge
But somehow I knew, It wasn’t meant to be
somehow, she would be with someone else
someone, not me
although in my heart
her love, and a part of her will always be

Chorus
I put my hands on her shoulders
I kissed her and thought I would die
I looked one more time, and she was on her way
I then realized I’ve helped an angel to fly


MY LIFE
(machelle naylor)

my life is filled with love and hate
my life is so depressing
my life is very sheltered
my life is very weird
my life is filled with so much hardships
my life says i can't fit in
my life says im ugly
my life says i won't find a man
my life is filled with thoughts of death
my life is filled with thoughts of life
my life is filled with friends who care
my life is field with friends who don't
my life says that i am a prisoner
my life says i will never have freedom
my life is filled with people who think they're all that
my life is filled with people who are christians
my life is filled with people who aren't
my life is filled with decisions
my life is filled with consequences
my life is filled with few friends
my life is filled with many enemies
my life is filled with bad things
my life is filled with good things
my life is filled with lights
my life is filled with dark
my life is filled with lots of little things
my life is filled with lots of big things
my life is filled with things i like
my life is filled with things i hate
my life is filled with friend so pretty
my life is filled with friends so skinny
my life says tome that i am fat
my life says to me that i can not sing
my life says to me i can't do good in school
my life says i should quit
my life sayd i should not
my life is filled with ciggarets
my life is filled with profanity
my life is filled with thougts of drinking
my life is different from everyone elses
my life is simply my life.

copywrite 1998


Monsters

(Chorus)
Some days you think you’d be better off dead
When the monsters that live in your house
are bigger and so much scarier than
any monsters with in your head
When your life is filled with terror and fear
And every day you cry more tears
Some days you think you’d be better off dead

When every day you’re hated, hurt and used
And all your life that’s all you’ve known
The place where you live is not a home
And even though you know it’s wrong
Some days, it seems you can’t to go on
When you want to run but you have to stay
Knowing if you go someone you love will pay

Repeat Chorus

When you try so hard just to survive
Fueled by the hope of a tolerable life
A dream of happiness is so elusive
when you live in a household that’s abusive
When a hug and a kiss and a gentle touch
Is all that you want. Is that too much?
It’s so hard to go on and not give up

Repeat Chorus

-Sher
-May 20, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications


"Real Words - Real Situations - Real People -Real Government?"

"Good Behavior"
"got out early"
"State could not revoke 'gain time'"
"kidnapping and murdering"
"a month later"

"five-year-old abused''
"tortured"
"tied"
"scalded"
"forced to drink whiskey
with hot peppers"
"cut the most tender areas
of his body"
"Sentencing called for 25 years"
"sentenced 18 months in a pre-release
center"
"preparing to return to the community"
"release could happen as early as October"

"Lifelong Rapist"
"molesting children
when six years old"
"At 19 sentenced to life in 74"
"refused therapy"
paroled after eight years in '82"
"arrested in '83"
"sentenced to 20 years"
"paroled in '90"
"arrested in '94"
"confessed to at least 20 rapes"
"assaults at knifepoint or gunpoint"
"86 crimes"

Gee...ya know? that's a real shame...crimes against the "state"
except for one thing,
"WE" ARE the STATE!
When do WE, the state, the government, the people
Remember
that WE ALLOW these laws to be MADE and CARRIED OUT
When do We, the people, the state, the government of the people,
by the people, FOR the people
STOP the MADNESS?

© 1998 Claiborne S. Walsh


Love Left It’s Mark

Dedicated to
The Centre County Women’s Resource Center
State College, PA
and Domestic Violence workers everywhere

It seems so many times …..Love left it’s mark
Some faded out with time…..Love left it’s mark
And some remain…..Love left it’s mark
Some marks are visible…..Love left it’s mark
So many hidden…..Love left it’s mark

Scratches and bruises fade …..Love left it’s mark
Cuts turn to scars…..Love left it’s mark
Deep inside the wounds remain…..Love left it’s mark
You can’t go back again…..Love left it’s mark

It’s time to call for help…..Love left it’s mark
Can’t do it on my own…..Love left it’s mark
Find love and friends who care…..Love left it’s mark
Show me another way…..Love left it’s mark

It’s been a long hard fight…..Love left it’s mark
I smile and laugh again…..Love left it’s mark
And I am here to say…..Love left it’s mark
There is another way…..Love left it’s mark

-Sher
-October 17, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications


Little Pieces

Listen to Little Pieces in Real Audio G2 or MP3 format.(hold the shift key when you click the link)
Little Pieces by Candy Sanders in Real Audio G2
Download a Free Real Audio G2 Player
Little Pieces by Candy Sanders in MP3 format
Download a WinAmp Player

Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Oh oh
Once upon a time you treated me oh so fine
You didn't waste my time
You didn't make me feel so sad
Now
Everything is wrong
I can't sing my song
You got me feelin' oh so bad
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
Once upon a time you were my king
You did every little thing
I didn't have to ask you twice
Now sugar has turned sour
You got meaner by the hour
And you treat me cold as ice
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
To pieces
Little pieces
To pieces
Little pieces
I wish I didn't love you anymore
I wish I could lock that door
I wish that I could throw away the key
Then I could walk away
Nothin' you could do or say
You could never bother me 'cause
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
To Pieces
Little pieces
To pieces
Tiny little pieces
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
Pieces
Tiny little pieces
Pieces
Tiny little pieces
Once upon a time you were my king
Every little thing
Now you're breakin' my heart
Yeah
To pieces

-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music


Hell to Pay

I been playin' roulette with myself
I been watchin' the clock on the shelf
I don't care what you say
Got tears in my heart
You got hell to pay Oh
I been watchin' leaves as they fall
Mmm. I been countin' tears in my hall
Better be careful everyday
I got my vision you got hell to pay
Oh - Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later you got hell to pay
I been feelin' a knife in my heart
I been countin' tears from the start
You'll get back everything you gave
I got my time you got hell to pay & Pay
Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later you got hell to pay
Yay - Ya - Ya
Seen the devil he's waitin' on your soul
When he gets you, he'll never let go
I don't care what you say
I got my vision
You got hell to pay
Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later
you got hell to pay
Hey everyday ya yet yet
One day you'll be happy
One day you'll be sad & some day
One day I'm gonna be so glad
Yeah-ay
You got hell to pay & pay
It's just a matter of time
Ooh yeah oh oh yeah
I got my heart on my sleeve
You got hell to pay
& pay & pay

-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music


Italian Girl

Don't bring her here
That Italian girl
I can't stand to be near
That Italian girl
She's so unkind
Doesn't ever unwind
Totally outof her mind
That Italian girl
Keep her far away
That Italian girl
Don't wanna see her today
That Italian girl
Got a heart of stone
Tell her not to phone
Chills me to the bone
That Italian girl
What does she care
When she's cold as ice
What does she know
She's a stone cold lullaby
She's a jagged little pill
That Italian girl
I wish looks could kill
That Italian girl
She brings on the min
Gives you nothin' but pain
I bet she's a little insane
That Italian girl
She doesn't care
She's colder than ice
What does she know
She's a stone cold lullaby
Adios, Au revoir', Au veda sang, Bye Bye
Adios, Au revoir', Au veda sang, Bye Bye
Adios, Say farewell to a stone cold lullaby
Bye bye
Adios, Au revoir'
Not a minute too soon
Adios, Au Veda sang
I hope she moves to the moon
Adios, Say farewell
To a stone cold lullaby
Bye Bye, Bye Bye
Bye Bye, Bye Bye

-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music


Blue Away

Listen to Blue Away in Real Audio G2 or MP3 format.(hold the shift key when you click the link)
Blue Away by Diesel in Real Audio G2
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Blue Away by Diesel in MP3 format
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You can tell me words that cut me down to the ground
Criticize me for the answers I haven’t found
You can give me one good reason not to give it a try
But your words will not hold me down

‘Cause my dreams are here to stay
And my soul will always find a way
I can see the sun shining through the storm
As you’re wondering why you’re so tired and torn
My dreams are here to stay
And I love the challenge of a rainy day
You know I’ll always chase that blue away

You can tell me once again I still don’t belong
Point out each and every single time I’m wrong
Temporarily, you’ll maybe wipe the smile off my face
But discouragement won’t stay long

‘Cause my dreams are here to stay
And my soul will always find a way
You give your best shot trying to pull me down
But in the end it kinda turns your world around
It’s not your game to play and those really aren’t the best words to say
But I don’t mind cause I can chase that blue away

You can wish on a star but if you don’t know who you are
How do you think it might come true?
Don’t worry about where I stand on the mountain
Climb to the top and paint your own damn view

My dreams are here to stay and my soul will always find a way
I can see the sun shining through the storm
As you’re wondering why you’re so tired and torn
My dreams are here to stay
And you’ll find me dancing on a rainy day
You know I’ll always chase the blue away
You know I’ll always chase the blue away

-Diesel
© 1998 Mr. Roosey's Songs, ASCAP


Reversal

Suspended
Over me
Upon mythical elbows
I see a gaping, glaring,
Face contorted
In deliberated plunges.

You grind yourself into me,
Repeatedly
Pushing, forcing, spitting
Pulp up into unwilling walls,
Not caring,
Only wanting to spawn
Seeds of hate and violence.

Mighty, sweating efforts
Rend me,
Split me in half,
Take me while destroying me,
Save me while killing me
Like a wasp with paralyzing sting
And I, the caterpillar,
As your silent, living sacrifice

Sulphurous sweat
Drips upon my skin,
Burns like acid.
I hear it hiss,

Leave scars, wounds, stains,
Create maniacal laughter
At my discomfort,
My digust,
My terror,
My pain.

These struggles,
This helpless, simpering, writhing,
Serves to restay your efforts.
Attempts to purge are useless.

Your filthy diseased world
Repels me, invades me,
Enters me,
Rupturing vessels, destroying
Walls of safety and sacrum.

Too large for me,
Yet again, this makes
Your despicable laughter
Ring like struck, cold steel,
Creating more vibrations.

Each movement bringing more
Tearing,
Ripping,
Bleeding.

Cessation of movement,
Eyes unseeing,
Brain unfunctioning,
But even hiding in deepest reptilian cortex
I cannot get away.

Cannot get breath,
As this heaviness multiplies
With each continued stroke
Until I feel you permeate my being
like pustules of poison.

I am infected.
Involuntarily, I begin to move
to your movements,
rising to create
the bowl that
relishes your spillage.

I can no longer control myself,
and will not stop until

I have become you.

© Claiborne Schley Walsh


Another Way

The question haunts me each night as I lie awake and cry
I wish somehow you could tell me "Why? Mama, Why?"
I guess you couldn’t stand the pain and hurt another day
But, Mama, don’t you think you could have found another way

Awoke from a sleep when three shots split the night
CLOSE! I stumbled to the hallway in fright
Mama was there with a gun in her hand
My mind in a haze, trying to understand

She said "You’d better go see if you can help your Stepdad.
He really was bleeding. It looked pretty bad."
She looked into my eyes and reloaded three shells
It seemed like slow motion as each one fell

She said "Go get some help, it’ll be OK."
And she turned from me and walked away
I stumbled to the door and into the street
My mind wouldn’t seem to move my feet

I ran to the neighbor’s, banged on their door
Somehow I tried to tell them the story
Then to my horror, one more shot rang out
I knew in my heart what that was about

You were all that I had, and now you’re gone
But somehow I have to try to go on
Mama, I miss you each and every day
I wish you could have found another way

-Sher
-February 15, 1999
© 1999 Dear One Publications



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